Begin the practice of sitting facing each other, looking at each other, and talking to each other in this way, at least once a week, or even more often. Each person gets to speak for ten minutes, without interruption, about how they are feeling, about the relationship and how things are going, about themselves. The second person does the same, either responding to what the person has said, or not. The next time the order is reversed. This is not a dialogue, but an exercise in really listening to each other. This helps you stay out of the defending, combative mode, and puts your focus on listening to how it is for the other.
2. Notice your actual responses.
Whenever you are going to see your partner, make a note of how you feel out of ten, where 10 is blissfully happy, and 0 is anxious, unhappy, apprehensive. After you have spent time with them, note again how you are feeling. Notice if seeing them improves or lowers how you feel. What do you make of this?
3. History of relationships.
Write a very short history of your relationships. What attracted you to each partner, what was good and not so good in each relationship. How you felt about yourself in each relationship and how you felt about them. How each relationship ended and why. Notice any patterns.