When you experience important life changes or transitions, whether they are welcome and planned or not, it can be difficult to manage the sense of uncertainty or even the sense of multiple possibilities. You can feel overwhelmed by all the decisions you need to make. You may want some support to challenge or understand any self-doubts, to make the best decisions for yourself, and to manage the transitions in the best way possible for you.
There are many milestones in a person’s life: leaving home, managing serious or committed relationships or deciding to leave an unsatisfying relationship, career changes or promotions, deciding to go back to study, moving cities or countries, when your children leave home, aging, to name just a few.
Many of the other headings here can also be responses to life changes, which can be positive or negative or a mixture. You may develop temporary symptoms such as anxiety or quite the opposite, a sense of possibility you want to make the most of, depending on the life change and your own circumstances.
Perhaps as you go through these changes you feel that there is some aspect of your life that you would like to be different or more satisfying. It may be that despite having what you thought you wanted, there is a nagging sense that there is more to you than this, that you are working or living below your potential, which has not been realised.
Therapy can support you to understand what your choices are, the decisions you need to make, and your own decision making process and how to make it work for you. It can be a time to re-assess what is important to you.
Therapy can help you explore all your options, even if it’s a change that you did not have a say in, and you are not sure how to manage the transitions you are going through.
1. Acknowledge what’s happening.
Whether this is a life transition of your choosing or not, acknowledge that it is happening and that it is having an impact on you. Take time each day, even 5-10 minutes to sit with the reality of your situation and let yourself be aware of how you are feeling, positive or negative. Acknowledging the impact on you and staying aware will enable you to make the best choices on your own behalf.
2. Remind yourself of your resources.
Unless you are just leaving home for the first time, you have dealt with many changes in your life already, both expected and unexpected. Remind yourself of your ability to deal with change and how you have dealt with change and significant decisions in the past. Remind yourself what worked well for you and anything that didn’t.
3. Get information.
Use bookshops, the library or the internet to find out about other people in similar situations and how they have made the most of the opportunities offered to them or weathered difficult life transitions. If you can, read about or talk to people you know who have been through something similar. This will help normalise your responses, help you think through your choices, and help you feel more confident about the decisions you need to make.
Simplify Structure Succeed. By Shannah Kennedy. Assessing your values and what's important to you, and how to shape a life that reflects those values. Any time of change is a time to reassess your life's direction.The author rebuilt her own life 'brick by brick' after suffering from chronic fatigue and now works with elite athletes, business people etc. Lots of insights about how to increase strength and resilience through focus and self-care.
The Reality Slap. By Russ Harris. Learn how to cope effectively when life hurts or causes anxiety. You can also download an MP3 of the exercises in the book, which can very useful for developing self-compassion and learning to address anxiety, stress and change.
Full Catastrophe Living. By Jon Kabat-Zin. Another book looking at the ups and downs that a full life is, and how to build resilience and cope with stress and change.
